Health Confessions (or, Why I Don’t Do Crossfit)

  1. I am not enrolled in a Crossfit class. I have nothing against it, but there are very few situations I encounter on a daily—or even an annual—basis that require that level of fitness. While I enjoy physical activity and endeavor to stay reasonably fit (with varying levels of success), there are times in life where a daily 30-minute workout, in addition to the travel time and obligatory post-workout shower, must take a backseat to other obligations. At this stage in my life, the daily workout I get involves playing on the floor with my boys, taking them for “airplane” rides, and occasionally using one of them as a barbell for curls. And I wouldn’t trade that workout for the world.
  2. I do not eat “all organic.” This is not due to a stubborn insistence on eating junk food. On the contrary, my wife makes healthy food and we try to make reasonable choices regarding the food we eat as a family. With that said, our lives and budget do not revolve around whether our apples are organic; I didn’t even realize until today that there was a difference between “100 percent organic” and “organic.” You may live to be 120. I probably will not. Of course, you will probably need to work until you are 90 to afford to live that long, so I’m not sure you are really coming out ahead.
  3. I’m still not completely sure what a Vegan is. More importantly, I don’t care enough to find out.
  4. I have, to my knowledge, never ingested or applied an “essential oil.” While I remain intrigued that one day someone will discover a natural remedy to reverse male pattern baldness (perhaps something called “Hairis-Returnis” or “Bya Comagin”), I reach for ibuprofen when I get a headache, rather than eucalyptus oil.  And I’m okay with that.
  5. My body lotion does not have miraculous properties. More to the point, I rarely use lotion. But when I do, it has not proven itself to be capable of smoothing wrinkles, erasing age spots, or bringing out my skin’s inner beauty. Truth be told, I’m not sure my skin has an inner beauty. I realize if I did use one of these products, my skin would feel amazing, my friends would stop me on the street to ask why I look younger every year, and I would probably be driving a Lexus. In short, my life would be forever changed. I’m just not ready for that.
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