If you missed the State of the Union Address, but want to be able to discuss it with your friends and co-workers, this is the post for you.

Whether you are a Republican, Democrat, or Independent, I have assembled a set of three talking points to enable you to carry on a coherent conversation about this important annual event.  As a bonus, I’ve added a few tips to help you avoid any missteps.  Without further ado:

Talking Points for Democrats

1. The President is staying true to his convictions.  He has a plan and is committed to moving the ball forward for America, whether he has the cooperation of Congress or not.
2. He reminded Americans of how far we’ve come since the fiasco that was President Bush, but he also pointed toward where we can go in the future.
3. Despite the initial challenges with the rollout of the Affordable Care Act, the President made it clear that a new dawn of medical coverage for all Americans is upon us.   Remember, its always darkest before the dawn.

Tips for Democrats:

• The phrase “staying true to his convictions” is preferable to “sticking to his guns.”
• Mention President Bush so that your listener will remember it’s all his fault, but also mention how the future is bright because people love a happy ending.
• Avoid the term “ObamaCare” and the phrase “you can keep your plan.”

Talking Points for Republicans

1. Soundbites do not equate to substance.  The President has had five years to make good on his promise for change, but it’s just been more of the same.
2. Republicans have a plan to move this country back to one in which anyone can accomplish the American dream if they have the desire and the drive to do so.  The heritage of this nation is one of hard work, not handouts.
3. The President told Americans the grass will be greener tomorrow, but that’s only because he’s going golfing again. 

Tips for Republicans:

• Republicans need more hipsters.  Hipsters like beards.  Mention that Willie Robertson attended and is a Republican.
• Utilize the phrase “Second Amendment Rights” with regularity.
• It’s “ObamaCare,” not “The Affordable Care Act.”

Talking Points for Independents

1. This is why we need more independents.  I’m over the “corporate America” thing – since when did we become the United States of Wall Street?
2. The State of the Union is one big show.  Only two things separate it from the Grammys: (1) the Grammys have at least some music; (2) the wardrobe choices are more interesting on the Grammys.
3. The whole system is busted.

Tips for Independents:

• Sigh.  Often.
• Use the words “they” and “Americans” instead of “we” and “us.”  You are above the feeble majority . . . act like it.

Now you are prepared to carry on a confident conversation about the State of the Union.  If you are still feeling a little nervous since you didn’t watch it, don’t.  I didn’t watch it either.