I work at a large, top-200 law firm in one of the ten most populous cities in the country. The hours can be grueling, there are constant deadlines, and the work is mentally demanding. Any partner in my particular practice area can assign me work, which means I have more than 30 potential bosses. At any given time, I am working on projects for three to five partners, all of whom believe that their assignment should take priority over any other work. As a result, there have been many long days (and long nights).
Moreover, being a lawyer at a large firm is a high-stress endeavor. Even small mistakes can have significant implications and, as a result, tensions can run high. And of course, because excellence is expected, partners are unlikely to give much positive feedback for a job well done; instead, the reward for good work is more work.
It doesn’t get much better when I venture outside my office. Lawyers are often the butt of jokes, and society, in general, has little regard for my profession. In fact, 34% of Americans say that “lawyers contribute little to nothing to society“?
I do not share this to complain or to engender any sympathy. I’m well compensated for my work and am grateful for the opportunity to work at my firm. My point is simply that the position of “associate” at a major law firm is generally regarded as a very difficult job. With that said, I make the following observation with great confidence: my wife’s job is harder.
My wife is self-employed. She has only two clients to respond to, sets her own hours, has no dress code to follow, and primarily works from home. Stated differently, she has two demanding, needy, and childish clients, is on call 24-7, is so busy she doesn’t even have time to shower some days, and is essentially a prisoner in her own home.
The astute reader has deduced her occupation: My wife is a stay-at-home mother (“SAHM”).
In our society, it seems that being a SAHM is frequently misunderstood. SAHMs are often asked if they “just” stay home with their kids and, if so, how do they fill their days? They are asked if they look forward to “going back to work,” or if they miss having a job. Others (often singles or married women who don’t have children) express their longing for the day when they can stay home with their kids, rhapsodizing about the glory of motherhood and peppering SAHMs with questions about the glorious existence that must be the life of a SAHM. In other words, our society seems to have concluded that SAHMs are either
- On a sabbatical of sorts from the real world, treading water in some sort of slow-moving existence featuring too much free time and not enough significance; or
- Living an idyllic life, consisting of snuggling and playing with soft cuddly babies, participating in fun-filled play dates with other moms and babies, and having plenty of time to engage in fulfilling hobbies and friendships.
With these two polar opposite characterizations of SAHMs, I imagine most young mothers feel either an overwhelming sense of insignificance, because the first assumption paints them as unmotivated or unqualified members of society, or a deep sense of personal failure, if their experience as a mother fails to resemble the blissful scenario described by the second assumption. It’s a bit surprising these views don’t drive young mothers to an institution! And that is just the external pressure and misunderstanding a SAHM may face from family, friends, (obnoxious) strangers, and the media. There is still the actual work of motherhood to contend with.
Make no mistake, my wife has made it abundantly clear that she feels extremely blessed to be a SAHM and would not choose to do anything else. But, that does not change the simple, incontrovertible fact that it is hard work. Here are just a few of the hats worn by a SAHM (along with the approximate annual salary):
- Activity Coordinator / Planner – This encompasses not just trips to the zoo, play dates, and parent-tot “craft projects,” but also all the daily activities that keep a child engaged for twelve hours a day. (Salary: $41,000)
- Educator and Facilitator of Cognitive Development – SAHMs are working with impressionable and fertile minds. A Harvard study states what “[w]e have long known that interactions with parents, caregivers, and other adults are important in a child’s life, but new evidence shows that these relationships actually shape brain circuits and lay the foundation for later developmental outcomes, from academic performance to mental health and interpersonal skills.” No pressure, right? Sure, it might be easier to duct-tape their diaper to the floor in front of the TV watching Barney for the greater part of the day, but a good SAHM (like my wife) looks for, and creates, opportunities to stimulate her child’s brain development. (Salary: $28,000)
- Chef/Hostess/Waitress/Busboy (girl)/Dishwasher – A SAHM’s kitchen duties go well beyond food preparation. Having observed this process in our home, it goes something like this: (1) prepare the food; (2) convince the child(ren) it really is time to eat, which may or may not involve physically “escorting” the child(ren) to the table; (3) serve the food to the child(ren); (4) field complaints regarding the type of food prepared, its texture, its temperature, its color, its shape, or its taste; (5) confer with the “chef” as to whether an alternate entree is available; (6) return to the table to advise the child(ren) that the kitchen is closed, and risk enduring verbal harassment; (7) pick up food that has been dropped (or thrown) to the floor; (8) after the meal, wipe down (or hose off) the child(ren), the table, and the floor; (9) collect the dishes, rinse them, and load the dishwasher. In fact, one of the only things separating this experience from an actual restaurant is payment of any kind (and after-dinner mints)! (Salary: $85,000; $23,000; $26,000; $18,000; $22,000)
- Mediator – For SAHMs with more than one child, conflict resolution is a regular necessity. Whether they are toddlers, young children, middle schoolers, or high schoolers, allegations of “that’s mine,” “he hit me,” “I was watching that,” “she ruined my jeans,” “he ate the last piece,” and similar claims are sure to resonate within the halls of your home. (Salary: $60,000)
- Interior Decorator / Organizer – When you walk into a home and it feels warm and inviting, there is a high probability that you are benefiting from what is commonly referred to as “a woman’s touch.” If, in contrast, the home looks like this:
…you are likely experiencing “a man’s touch.” This ability and effort naturally carries over into the children’s rooms and affects not just the aesthetics of those rooms, but also the organization. You may not have realized, but children are messy. So any day that you come home and do not trip over or step on multiple toys in the hallway, your room, or on any other available floor space, your wife had something to do with that. (Salary: $51,000)
- Hazardous Waste Technician: Diapers. Spit-ups. Projectile Vomiting. Potty Training. Need I say more? (Salary: $43,000)
- Nurse: While some injuries (or perceived injuries) may only require a kiss from mommy to jumpstart the healing process, other slips, tumbles, collisions, and flying objects cause more significant damage. A SAHM must do triage and carry out the appropriate level of treatment, all while comforting her child in his or her fragile emotional state. (Salary: $65,000)
- Taxi Service: When my wife was growing up, it was not uncommon for my mother-in-law to drive in excess of 20,000 miles on an annual basis. Much like at mealtime, the process involved in going anywhere is extensive. A SAHM must round up the children, load them (and an extensive amount of supplies) into the vehicle, drive to the destination while enjoying the musical stylings of “musicians” like the Wiggles, unload the children and supplies, engage in whatever activity is on the agenda, and then repeat the process to return home. Moreover, this scenario fails to take into account the various “wrinkles” that may complicate the journey: for example, (1) a child decides that what was inside his tummy after lunch belongs outside his tummy and all over the interior of the car, or; (2) the travelers arrive at the destination only to discover that the activity was cancelled and they didn’t get the message because mommy’s phone is still drying out from having been thrown in the toilet the night before. (Salary: $25,000)
- Supply Chain Manager – Lest we forget, all the roles filled by a SAHM also require extensive supplies. Diapers, clothes, laundry detergent, food, books, toys, and copious amounts of carpet cleaner are just the beginning. Managing inventory, purchasing and restocking essential items is a never-ending process. (Salary: $90,000)
There was an article in Forbes in 2011 suggesting that SAHMs should charge $115,000 for their services. The total annual approximate salary for the positions I listed above is $577,000. Granted, a SAHM is not dedicating 40 hours per week to each of these roles, but if someone suggests that it is possible–without paying a substantial salary–to locate an individual that was not only sufficiently skilled to assume all of these roles, but also willing to take on a job with this many responsibilities . . . then I would like to introduce that individual to a little thing I like to call “reality.”
Finally, and lest we forget, merging all these professionals into one SAHM only covers the actual physical labor. It doesn’t even begin to address the immense feelings of responsibility, and the hopes and dreams for the futures of their precious children. Nor does it account for the fact that most SAHMs accomplish all of this in a continuous state of sleep deprivation.
If you are wondering what to do with this information, here are two suggestions:
- If your wife is a stay-at-home mother, recognize her contributions to your family, thank her (often) for the very important work she does, and try to make sure that you aren’t the only one that gets to take advantage of vacation days.
- If you know stay-at-home mothers, stop asking them if it is nice to not have a job, and bless them with the opportunity to have an adult conversation once in a while by taking them out to lunch or dinner. (And if she leans over to cut your food for you, just let it go!)
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Update: 1/24/2014
This post has gotten a tremendous response–one I could not have imagined (300,000 views and counting). Thank you for reading and sharing it!
I wanted to address something that has come up in some of the comments. I wrote this post as a tribute to all the work that my wife–a SAHM–does on a daily basis. Because it was written from my personal perspective and is about my wife, it does not address stay-at-home fathers, or mothers who work outside the home. Certainly no family has the exact same circumstances as any other and I am confident we all know moms and dads in a variety of situations who are amazing parents and very dedicated to their children.
My hope is that this post encourages all of us-–no matter our particular situation-–to seek to understand and appreciate the contributions of our spouse. With this in mind, perhaps the best thing we can do is to use this article–and any comments–to support and recognize the contributions of our spouse, no matter the situation. Thanks again for reading!
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Read about the best way to ensure your child’s success – http://t.co/ath2pMAqRv
— James (@BowlingWithEd) January 17, 2014
bowlingwithed 
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Thank you. I have been a lawyer for 17 years – the last 7 of which have coincided with being a stay-at-home mom. The SAHM job is much harder…although more fulfilling and enjoyable. Love it and wouldn’t change it for anything.
I think people fully appreciate SAHMs but what about WOHM (work outside the home moms). Do you think we do not do all these things too? It is just as hard to work outside the home and do all these things. I get so tired of hearing how hard SAHMs work like working moms do nothing. To those women who Stay at home I commend you and to those women who work I commend you too. This is not a battle but it is the process of finding what works for each woman individually.
Hey Julie, I’m a WOHM too but I was a SAHM for a few years so I understand this topic a little bit. I don’t think that WOHM’s are being undervalued but I do feel that when you are a SAHM the tendency to undervalue the job is far greater. I know that the reactions I received when I stayed home was mostly “Oh that’s so nice” and then after returning to the workforce was mostly “Wow! Good for you” or even better “Yikes! You must be exhausted!” Most people can’t grasp that “just” being at home is harder then a day job, but they can grasp that working on top of being a primary parent is harder.
very well put Momx3, you hit the nail on the head. I wish more people would understand that.
I’ve done both – and both are VERY DIFFICULT! However, being “just” a SAHM at the moment (I only left the workforce 1.5 years ago to be home with my 3 girl now ages 7, 6 and 4) I sometimes wish to go back to work – because in a way – though I HATED my dayjob – it was an escape – my chance to be a not-mommy for just a few hours – even though I had to come home and STILL be in charge of laundry, dinner, cleaning etc… At the moment – I’m feeling a little bit like a slave. And even my husband devalues what I do – telling me I’m so “free” and I “have no worries,” and combine that with I “contribute no income” it really puts me through the emotional ringer. With my husbands insane work schedule I am NEVER alone. Both worlds are very difficult and I don’t believe the article is discounting the difficulty of working outside of the home.
Thank you for the comment Julie. Absolutely – I am sure that WOHMs work very hard as well! Hopefully, all parents work hard and together to care for and raise their children. This article is written from my perspective as a husband with a SAHM, which is why I don’t address WOHMs.
And I guess being a big law associate and mom must be really hard.
I find it sad that, in this day in age people seem to look down upon woman who stay home with their children. It is a FULL time job. It take’s a strong woman to do this… as when you work, you do get a lunch break, social aspect (I could go on) I have heard many woman who have done both (work outside the home OR stay with their children) say, it is much more difficult to stay home. It seems to be those who have never experienced that look down… Woman should be proud they’re raising their children. My husband & I Firmly believe society would be much better off today if children had their mother’s home with them & raising them. So many children are left in Daycare’s, All day care, school then after care. Children need their parents… and last but NOT least… Dad’s are important too. Blessings
Your comment that society would be better if moms stayed at home is offensive and wrong. There are plenty of horrible moms who stay at home, just like there are great moms who work outside of the home. Simply staying home doesn’t guarantee being a good parent! It’s a much deeper issue than that. Further, why does daycare get such a bad rap? We take my daughter to a sitter’s house where she gets showered with love, interacts with another girl her age, gets to play with a dog (which we can’t have at home), and she loves every minute of it. Both being working parents, we truly value the time we have with our girls. We hardly ever leave them with a sitter on evenings and weekends to “go out”. So before you pass judgment on working moms, you should probably consider the fact that you are oversimplifying our so-called problems with society and being a working mom doesn’t mean we aren’t raising our children.
Chica, with anything in life someone always disagrees and someone is always offended. I know/knew too many children that were in school all day than left in an aftercare program that tell me or I overhear saying, they miss their parents. My husband is a hardworking man with traditional values. What works for us, might not work out for another family… but it is OUR opinion. I am confused by all the people reading this, commenting, who have no idea what it is like to be a SAHM, yet, still give their opinion on it. I feel that life is a living politician, some love you, some do not. My interest is in the children, and as I said, we strongly feel society would be better off if children were being raised more so from their parents than left to other people i.e Daycares, as one example. Now, you will have that awesome teacher, or daycare worker… but they seem to be seldom few. I have known more than one person to say they worked in a Daycare and tell me, that is why I don’t let my grandchildren go. One never truly know’s how their child is taken care of at a Daycare.. people may seem nice, but that may not be the way it is run.
God bless the man who wrote this, and for the ones who appreciate all aspects of being a stay at home mom. To the mom above I am 100% in agreement with you! If you can afford to be a stay at home mom and raise your own children, they are much better off. I am proud of the fact that I was able to do this for my children. I wouldn’t have done it any other way. Not only was I at home raising my own child, but I also ran a small daycare in my home when our first child was born. These children were all cared for as if they were all my own, with daily activities and teaching planned. I also sewed doll clothes for my mother in law part time. My plate was full, but I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of what sometimes goes unappreciated by those who don’t fully understand what goes into a full day of being a responsible caretaker of small children whether they belong to someone else, or they are your own. By the time we had our second child, I decided that I needed to go back to school. I dreaded the thought of having to tell the parents of my daycare because they did appreciate me. I was well aware that they were happy having me care for their children, and I was equally happy to have them in my care too. My husband’s occupation is a semi-driver, and I often worried if something ever happened to him, how would I ever be able to care for my family without a college degree? Unfortunately, daycare would not have paid enough to raise my family if something were to happen to my husband. I informed the parents of my decision, and I was able to work my class schedule around my husbands job so that our younger child wouldn’t need daycare. On rare occasions, my mother would babysit if needed. To this day, I consider myself truly blessed, and would not trade a minute of my time at home spent raising my own children whom are now 24, and 18.
I can afford to stay at home since my husband earns a high salary, but i choose to work 3 days a week because i want to contribute to society professionally, and i want to stay in the workforce and further my career which i worked so hard to jumpstart, including having earned a master’s degree while raising a baby and a toddler. But above all, I’m a better parent for having some time in Adultland, instead of being steeped in toddler activities 24/7. I’m just not cut out for that, and I am supremely grateful that we live in a day and age where I have an option NOT to do that!
In all fairness though, SAHMs typically do get a lunch break (either when kids are eating or during their nap time), and not everyone working a full time day job gets the breaks or social interaction they’d like – especially those in the service industry or Executive level positions.
I definitely agree with you on kids needing their parents though. While my husband and I both work (and I am actually the primary bread-winner), our 2-year-old daughter attends a really nice preschool through my work and is able to receive exceptional education while enjoying social interaction with other kids her age. On top of that, then spends every morning, night, weekend, and holiday with her parents, plus every minute of my 6 weeks paid vacation time each year. I don’t mean to argue; I just want to point out that I don’t think that SAHMs have it any easier or harder than the typical working parent, and that a child is in daycare/preschool/school during the day isn’t necessarily neglected or lacking parental guidance.
Actually, when my mom was a working mother – her “free time” was filled with what SHE wanted to do, not spending time with us kids (my relationship with her is not good, and most of it is her fault for purposely not spending time with me EVER) and also – I just spent my sons nap time cleaning the basement and organizing clothes into “Donate” – “save” and “sell” piles while I scarfed down a sandwich standing up ……. just a little glimpse of my day as a mostly SAHM (and volunteer at school, and Girl Scout troop leader….)
A “break” during nap time, bahahahahaha!!!
Hey Jess, I’m a SAHM and, yes, my child does take a nap, so in theory I should get a break. However, that break is normally filled with all the housework and tasks I’m not able to get done when the little one is awake. Some days my break is taking an extended moment for myself in the bathroom. I have worked out of the home and my breaks were actual breaks. I respect that it is hard to be a work out of the home parent, but I feel like a lot of parents that work out of the home think SAHMs have more time to do housework, etc, instead of having to compress it into non-working hours, but that’s not the case. I have to compress non-child related tasks into the times of the day he’s sleeping. Really being a SAHM and a parent who works out of the home really isn’t thay different in many ways. I just don’t get paid for my work, lol.
This is an excellent perspective. I am a SAHM, I have also been a WOHM both are difficult. But both come with many blessings!!
“Mom”, despite what you and your husband think, you don’t know others circumstances, and therefore are being just as judgemental as others. The problem with society is we all think that we know what’s best… for everyone. Just because it was the best decision for you to stay home, it’s not the case for all women/ families. It would be a perfect world if we could just respect other’s parenting decisions without judgment. My husband and I are young parents, and we don’t feel comfortable or as financially stable as we would like to be before I stay home. We both work, but don’t use daycare, just different shifts. Say all you want but my husband and son have an amazing relationship, just as our son and I, and my husband and I do also.
KMC, I am sorry I made you feel defensive. Not my intentions what-so-ever. As a “SAHM” I do feel on the defense because it is looked down upon by so many. You do what you have to do…. that is what I do not like about internet discussions… you do not know someone’s full thoughts or ideas. Sounds like you all are doing a wonderful job. James, I am so pleased to see a husband writing in such gratitude for his wife and all she does for your children. We need more men like you, I am blessed to have one too.
“KMC” and “Mom” – thank you both for your perspectives and responses to this article. Certainly no family has the exact same circumstances as any other and I am sure we all know moms and dads in a variety of situations who are amazing parents and very dedicated to their children. Perhaps the best thing we can do is to support and recognize the contributions of our spouse, no matter the situation. This blog was simply my attempt to publicly recognize my wife for the amazing mother that she is. Thanks again for reading!
that ministered to this SAHM’s heart this evevning!! Thank you!
Excellent insight. I would also point out the social isolation a SAHM can feel. I find it important to take the time when I walk in the door to give my undivided attention to my fiancé. Cell phone stays in the Pocket, tv stays off and I show à genuine interest in her day and express my love and appreciation for her sacrificing her own career to be such an amazing Mother. Now I dont want to take anything away fromage working Mothers because what they do is amazing as well.
Thank you, James for this beautiful acknowledgment of your wife and other SAHMs moms. I am incredibly blessed to be a SAHM but I can certainly relate to the negativity that sometimes gets placed on this decision. I tip my hat to every parent, working or at home, who gives the job of raising children their very best.
As being a mom who has been on both ends of the spectrum I must admit I enjoyed being a stay-at-home mom much more,I found it easier and much more relaxing as compared to going to school full-time, working full-time, running and smooth household keeping it clean! I would give anything to be at home all day with Aubree… But I want to give her the best so work I must.
Give her the best of what? Just curious what you mean?
As a law firm partner and mother – I sort of think I need a wife.
Really hoping a ton of people see this, read it, and soak it in!! I’d be happy to just make $20,000 a year! I am a SAHM/work from home mom/virtual assistant to two clients. You basically wrote my life!
Thank you SO much for writing this article!! I’m extremely lucky to have a WONDERFUL husband who tells me daily how much he loves and APPRECIATES everything I do. He has never once complained if he’s came home to a messy house or the laundry not being done and he gives the kids a bath every night when he gets home so that I can have a bit of a break. I know my husband is in the minority as most of my mom friends constantly tell me how lucky I am to have a husband who understands, appreciates and most importantly recognizes all that I do. It is so refreshing to hear it from someone else. Your wife is an extremely lucky woman and, from the sound of it, you’re a pretty lucky guy. She sounds great!
This is awesome.
Thank you thank you Thank you!!!! I grew up in mississippi where my mom always taught me to get out and work and always make that your man is helping you not just taking care of you. Now even though i was working as a full time nurse when i decided to go to fnp school i had recently gotten married and with great support from my husband i made it through! Problem is while finishing up we became parents and life became harder. I was exhausted, irritated, but determined and blesses to have had my accomplishments but the day after graduation when i was suppose to return to work as a fnp instead of rn i look at my husband and cried. After minutes of tearing i suggested that i should become a stay at home mom because i didnt trust day cares and it was hard on my leaving my son. With that being said 5 years later we now have three wonderful kids and i never went back to work at the hospital! I have never felt great about that choice until now reading this article makes me feel great and eventhough my hubby has always made it clear he appreciate it all i guess i just needed to hear that other ppl were feeling the same way about staying and home! Salute to all moms whether u work in or outside the home hear me good it doesnt matter we are all important because at the end of the day you are still the #1 lady in some little ppls eyes to thinks the world pf you so continue to be great at whatever it is to and never look back on choices! God bless everyone and have a great life!!!!
This is great thank you for this post. I practiced law before staying home with my children, and people seldom believe me when I tell them I work much harder than I did doing crazy litigation hours. A few things you missed:
1) guidance counselor/educational consultant – most moms like the ones you are describing spend countless hours either contributing to their children’s schools in a variety of capacities as well as researching the best schools,extra curricular programs that fit their children’s personalities, household budgets and coordinate with other children’s schedules.
2)Laborer- The actual physical labor involved in raising children is something that cannot be underestimated. I actually am in physical therapy now because I threw out my back several times lifting my baby out of a variety of contraptions and his crib, as well as carting him around in a car seat whe carrying my daughters things. And I’m not in bad shape.
3)Assistant- people who work at home as moms are often assigned tasks like calling insurance companies to find out if procedures have been covered, making and keeping the Christmas card list current, mass mailing of Christmas cards, buying presents for different functions/people, researching birthday party venues, and clipping coupons to do all the above.
Additionally the thing that sucks the most is that you have no sick days or backup childcare usually. Generally if you work outside the home and you are sick, you can stay home and recover while your children are at their normal daycare or school. If You work in the home, however, you have no sick days because someone still needs to take care of your child because there is no option of sending them to their normal daycare because they don’t go to daycare and all the above still needs to get done. And if your kids are in school you generally need to pick them up and cart them around anyway.
Anyway thank you for your recognition! And now dance class is over and I must return to my job. It is also Saturday. 🙂
I love this. I’ve been on both sides, working and staying at home. Both are hard.
Wow this is amazing my husband may not get it but Al least someone does!
Thanks for this article! My first child is 17 months now, and I have been trying to explain recently how bizarre it is that now that I care for baby and do very little income producing work (as opposed to before baby), I feel much less important, less interesting, and less valuable than I did two years ago. I’ve tried to make my social circle tighter with other mothers, because they are both compassionate and interested. Also remind myself that raising wee ones is a season of life and that at every opportunity I must lift their spirits and my own- with smiles and exercise and sunshine. The cleaning can be overwhelming and it’s tempting to start conversations in my mind about how I’m too educated and skilled to be doing hours of menial tasks, but I say, “I’m getting it done and I’m making a life that’s full and I’m not going to give up.” And that helps me get through it each day. Anyway! Clearly, as a SAHM, it’s wonderful to be validated as it happens so rarely. Thanks.
All moms work very hard. I am a work at home mom and not much is said about us. It’s challenging to meet the needs of my children, my pets, household duties while keeping my supervisors and clients happy.
So I am not the only one with a constant messy house even after I spent the whole day cleaning it. To me that is very stressful. I am a stay at home mom and have been now for 6 years. I am also a nurse and I can say from my own experience that being a SAHM is much more stressful and demanding job, with no pay. I believe that children need their parents in their life a lot more than most get, and it definitely benefits them in the long run. I grew up in day care settings and absolutely hated it.
This is one reason why dads don’t do well in court. I’m a stay at home dad, even though I do all the cooking, cleaning, raise my kids 90% of the time, the courts would look at me like I’m a dad and not a mom. I love my family, but I also feel that dads really get the short end of the stick. We deserve the same respect as you do.
Thank you for this. My husband and I refer to ourselves as “late bloomers”. I was 40 and he was 49 when we had our first. As you can imagine, it was a big adjustment to stay home after all of my years in the workforce. I am a WAHM, which adds another layer in that I don’t even get to take a “break” during nap time because I work. I typically work another couple of hours after bedtime. I too am blessed with a husband who appreciates the challenges that I face. I agree with those who said that the most important thing we can do as moms is appreciate that we are all making the best choice for us and our families and each path has its own challenges. I will say that I’ve heard others judge moms for staying home as well as going to work. As moms, it would be so nice if we could just support one another because no matter what, it takes a village! What a beautiful testament to your love and respect for your wife. Thanks again!
And on top of that I am a single 27 year old mother of a 10 months old, finishing my masters program this year and working 45 hours a week. I get no financial assistance from the state or anyone, but I do it. It’s hard as heck. I wish I could be a stay at home mom and raise my child, but I have to work. Being a mom is hard work. Never a day or night to relax. Believe it or not, as much as I love and miss my baby when I am at work, my relaxation time is when I am at work or after he has gone to sleep. I can just sit there and do homework or laundry.
I am a SAHM of 7. Have been for 11yrs now. And I wouldn’t trade a day out in the workforce to being at home with my kids! I love being here when they get up every morning, home from school (well for 4 of them) and here all day to teach the younger 3 the things they need to know before starting school in a yr, 2-3yrs. My husband can remain our bread winner.And bring home the bacon so to speak…I’m happy just baking the bread for us!lol
While I fully agree with the sentiment of this well written piece, I feel compelled to take a moment to address the language. I’m sure it would have been difficult (and largely unnecessary) to change the language of the entire piece, but I would have loved to have seen at least a mention of the other, and increasingly more frequent, member of this unsung workforce, the SAHD.
My wife and I had good careers leading up to the birth of our daughter. We were committed to having one parent in the home and we decided, together, that that duty would be mine. My wife’s good career has become an amazing one and as a stay at home dad, so has mine. It is exhausting, challenging, hard work and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Recently my 6y/o told my 4y/o that daddy is working so hard but mommy is not working at all, she stays at home all time. He is still a kid and I don’t blame him but many adults out there think the same too.