I work at a large, top-200 law firm in one of the ten most populous cities in the country. The hours can be grueling, there are constant deadlines, and the work is mentally demanding. Any partner in my particular practice area can assign me work, which means I have more than 30 potential bosses. At any given time, I am working on projects for three to five partners, all of whom believe that their assignment should take priority over any other work. As a result, there have been many long days (and long nights).
Moreover, being a lawyer at a large firm is a high-stress endeavor. Even small mistakes can have significant implications and, as a result, tensions can run high. And of course, because excellence is expected, partners are unlikely to give much positive feedback for a job well done; instead, the reward for good work is more work.
It doesn’t get much better when I venture outside my office. Lawyers are often the butt of jokes, and society, in general, has little regard for my profession. In fact, 34% of Americans say that “lawyers contribute little to nothing to society“?
I do not share this to complain or to engender any sympathy. I’m well compensated for my work and am grateful for the opportunity to work at my firm. My point is simply that the position of “associate” at a major law firm is generally regarded as a very difficult job. With that said, I make the following observation with great confidence: my wife’s job is harder.
My wife is self-employed. She has only two clients to respond to, sets her own hours, has no dress code to follow, and primarily works from home. Stated differently, she has two demanding, needy, and childish clients, is on call 24-7, is so busy she doesn’t even have time to shower some days, and is essentially a prisoner in her own home.
The astute reader has deduced her occupation: My wife is a stay-at-home mother (“SAHM”).
In our society, it seems that being a SAHM is frequently misunderstood. SAHMs are often asked if they “just” stay home with their kids and, if so, how do they fill their days? They are asked if they look forward to “going back to work,” or if they miss having a job. Others (often singles or married women who don’t have children) express their longing for the day when they can stay home with their kids, rhapsodizing about the glory of motherhood and peppering SAHMs with questions about the glorious existence that must be the life of a SAHM. In other words, our society seems to have concluded that SAHMs are either
- On a sabbatical of sorts from the real world, treading water in some sort of slow-moving existence featuring too much free time and not enough significance; or
- Living an idyllic life, consisting of snuggling and playing with soft cuddly babies, participating in fun-filled play dates with other moms and babies, and having plenty of time to engage in fulfilling hobbies and friendships.
With these two polar opposite characterizations of SAHMs, I imagine most young mothers feel either an overwhelming sense of insignificance, because the first assumption paints them as unmotivated or unqualified members of society, or a deep sense of personal failure, if their experience as a mother fails to resemble the blissful scenario described by the second assumption. It’s a bit surprising these views don’t drive young mothers to an institution! And that is just the external pressure and misunderstanding a SAHM may face from family, friends, (obnoxious) strangers, and the media. There is still the actual work of motherhood to contend with.
Make no mistake, my wife has made it abundantly clear that she feels extremely blessed to be a SAHM and would not choose to do anything else. But, that does not change the simple, incontrovertible fact that it is hard work. Here are just a few of the hats worn by a SAHM (along with the approximate annual salary):
- Activity Coordinator / Planner – This encompasses not just trips to the zoo, play dates, and parent-tot “craft projects,” but also all the daily activities that keep a child engaged for twelve hours a day. (Salary: $41,000)
- Educator and Facilitator of Cognitive Development – SAHMs are working with impressionable and fertile minds. A Harvard study states what “[w]e have long known that interactions with parents, caregivers, and other adults are important in a child’s life, but new evidence shows that these relationships actually shape brain circuits and lay the foundation for later developmental outcomes, from academic performance to mental health and interpersonal skills.” No pressure, right? Sure, it might be easier to duct-tape their diaper to the floor in front of the TV watching Barney for the greater part of the day, but a good SAHM (like my wife) looks for, and creates, opportunities to stimulate her child’s brain development. (Salary: $28,000)
- Chef/Hostess/Waitress/Busboy (girl)/Dishwasher – A SAHM’s kitchen duties go well beyond food preparation. Having observed this process in our home, it goes something like this: (1) prepare the food; (2) convince the child(ren) it really is time to eat, which may or may not involve physically “escorting” the child(ren) to the table; (3) serve the food to the child(ren); (4) field complaints regarding the type of food prepared, its texture, its temperature, its color, its shape, or its taste; (5) confer with the “chef” as to whether an alternate entree is available; (6) return to the table to advise the child(ren) that the kitchen is closed, and risk enduring verbal harassment; (7) pick up food that has been dropped (or thrown) to the floor; (8) after the meal, wipe down (or hose off) the child(ren), the table, and the floor; (9) collect the dishes, rinse them, and load the dishwasher. In fact, one of the only things separating this experience from an actual restaurant is payment of any kind (and after-dinner mints)! (Salary: $85,000; $23,000; $26,000; $18,000; $22,000)
- Mediator – For SAHMs with more than one child, conflict resolution is a regular necessity. Whether they are toddlers, young children, middle schoolers, or high schoolers, allegations of “that’s mine,” “he hit me,” “I was watching that,” “she ruined my jeans,” “he ate the last piece,” and similar claims are sure to resonate within the halls of your home. (Salary: $60,000)
- Interior Decorator / Organizer – When you walk into a home and it feels warm and inviting, there is a high probability that you are benefiting from what is commonly referred to as “a woman’s touch.” If, in contrast, the home looks like this:
…you are likely experiencing “a man’s touch.” This ability and effort naturally carries over into the children’s rooms and affects not just the aesthetics of those rooms, but also the organization. You may not have realized, but children are messy. So any day that you come home and do not trip over or step on multiple toys in the hallway, your room, or on any other available floor space, your wife had something to do with that. (Salary: $51,000)
- Hazardous Waste Technician: Diapers. Spit-ups. Projectile Vomiting. Potty Training. Need I say more? (Salary: $43,000)
- Nurse: While some injuries (or perceived injuries) may only require a kiss from mommy to jumpstart the healing process, other slips, tumbles, collisions, and flying objects cause more significant damage. A SAHM must do triage and carry out the appropriate level of treatment, all while comforting her child in his or her fragile emotional state. (Salary: $65,000)
- Taxi Service: When my wife was growing up, it was not uncommon for my mother-in-law to drive in excess of 20,000 miles on an annual basis. Much like at mealtime, the process involved in going anywhere is extensive. A SAHM must round up the children, load them (and an extensive amount of supplies) into the vehicle, drive to the destination while enjoying the musical stylings of “musicians” like the Wiggles, unload the children and supplies, engage in whatever activity is on the agenda, and then repeat the process to return home. Moreover, this scenario fails to take into account the various “wrinkles” that may complicate the journey: for example, (1) a child decides that what was inside his tummy after lunch belongs outside his tummy and all over the interior of the car, or; (2) the travelers arrive at the destination only to discover that the activity was cancelled and they didn’t get the message because mommy’s phone is still drying out from having been thrown in the toilet the night before. (Salary: $25,000)
- Supply Chain Manager – Lest we forget, all the roles filled by a SAHM also require extensive supplies. Diapers, clothes, laundry detergent, food, books, toys, and copious amounts of carpet cleaner are just the beginning. Managing inventory, purchasing and restocking essential items is a never-ending process. (Salary: $90,000)
There was an article in Forbes in 2011 suggesting that SAHMs should charge $115,000 for their services. The total annual approximate salary for the positions I listed above is $577,000. Granted, a SAHM is not dedicating 40 hours per week to each of these roles, but if someone suggests that it is possible–without paying a substantial salary–to locate an individual that was not only sufficiently skilled to assume all of these roles, but also willing to take on a job with this many responsibilities . . . then I would like to introduce that individual to a little thing I like to call “reality.”
Finally, and lest we forget, merging all these professionals into one SAHM only covers the actual physical labor. It doesn’t even begin to address the immense feelings of responsibility, and the hopes and dreams for the futures of their precious children. Nor does it account for the fact that most SAHMs accomplish all of this in a continuous state of sleep deprivation.
If you are wondering what to do with this information, here are two suggestions:
- If your wife is a stay-at-home mother, recognize her contributions to your family, thank her (often) for the very important work she does, and try to make sure that you aren’t the only one that gets to take advantage of vacation days.
- If you know stay-at-home mothers, stop asking them if it is nice to not have a job, and bless them with the opportunity to have an adult conversation once in a while by taking them out to lunch or dinner. (And if she leans over to cut your food for you, just let it go!)
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Update: 1/24/2014
This post has gotten a tremendous response–one I could not have imagined (300,000 views and counting). Thank you for reading and sharing it!
I wanted to address something that has come up in some of the comments. I wrote this post as a tribute to all the work that my wife–a SAHM–does on a daily basis. Because it was written from my personal perspective and is about my wife, it does not address stay-at-home fathers, or mothers who work outside the home. Certainly no family has the exact same circumstances as any other and I am confident we all know moms and dads in a variety of situations who are amazing parents and very dedicated to their children.
My hope is that this post encourages all of us-–no matter our particular situation-–to seek to understand and appreciate the contributions of our spouse. With this in mind, perhaps the best thing we can do is to use this article–and any comments–to support and recognize the contributions of our spouse, no matter the situation. Thanks again for reading!
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Read about the best way to ensure your child’s success – http://t.co/ath2pMAqRv
— James (@BowlingWithEd) January 17, 2014
bowlingwithed 
I read this with a sleeping baby in my arms, and 5 other preschoolers or toddlers that are supposed to be sleeping or resting in each room of my home. I am a single working at home mom that provides developmentally enriching childcare in my home. That means I get to be at home with mine, they get social interaction with four others, I get to provide a service to other parents and we can pay our bills & put food on the table. I have a bachler’s degree in education and I’m sure I could make more money pursuing a career, but doing what I am is what was right for our family and can’t imagine it any other way. It’s the best and hardest job of my life. With that said, good for you for appreciating the hard work your wife contributes to your family.
What you are doing by running a home child care is a career. My Mom raised four of us and then ran a home child care center going on 25years. You get the best of both worlds. Maybe underpaid and under appreciated but kids will come back as teenagers and adults and tell you thank you. And although you maybe not be their actual mother, you mothered them as an infant and toddler and during their adolescence and that is just as important. You love them as your own and get paid to do it. I call that ingenius.
I’m a working mom because I couldn’t hack it as a SAHM. Just saying. I love my son very very much but I just do not have the capability of doing all of the jobs listed above and maintaining my sanity. That’s why my husband stayed home with him – and we were totally happy with that arrangement. So here’s to the SAHD’s out there who have to deal with all of that plus the sometimes incredibly hurtful comments about not “doing the man’s work” and “letting your wife wear the pants in the family.”
I’m a lawyer who is currently a SAHM and i totally agree with everything you wrote in this blog. Especially the Chef/Hostess/Waitress/Busboy (girl)/Dishwasher. You couldn’t have described it better.
Erin I am a lawyer who is also currently a SAHM. 🙂
Thank you for the column. I am a full time stay at home Dad with two kids and your words are very encouraging.
It is the most important career you could possible take on. I did it and am most proud Of that accomplishment. I do believe the problems of this society……..Is the Fall of the Family. And now my daughter is doing it and I couldn’t be more proud! God Bless the SAHM’s and SAHD’S ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Major kudos to you for recognizing your wife’s hard work here. I bet you made her cry (appreciative and happy tears of course)! As a part time working mom who just made the switch back to full time, I have to tell you that I couldn’t do it. I wanted to but I realized that it takes a special type of person, giving me even more awe and respect for those moms and dads who choose to stay at home to raise their families. Your wife is a rock star and you are too!
A big thank you to James for writing the article about SAHMs. I recently chose to be a stay at home mom after working full time as a Registered nurse for over 10 years. It took major life adjustments to make this happen financially, but with much prayer it was possible to do. Just as you mentioned in your article many have asked what will I do with all the free time? My answer is simply, “keep up with the house.” What many women who work outside the home fail to realize is that they are also doing the work of stay at home moms. Women are running themselves ragged trying to prove they can do both jobs well. I can speak from experience that coming home after a long work week trying to clean the house and finish all the laundry before Monday was making me feel like I accomplished nothing. I was also short with my family and constantly rushed them to make it to work on time.
I do feel fulfilled in my role as a SAHM as now I have time to spend time with my husband, care for the children and, most of all, actually complete household tasks that were started. Everyone in the house has seen a more peaceful, less hurried Mama. I believe every family deserves this. I pray that any woman who is thinking about being a stay at home mother will be able to do it, despite how society feels about them, there are many rewards.
On another note, being a stay at home mom does not mean one will stay home forever or that they are retired as some people have referred to me as. There is a time and a place for everything. Most of us will work outside the home again, but for now this is what we are called to do.
Thank you again James for writing such a logical article.
G.Juan and Rochelle – Thank you for your kind comments and your contributions to this discussion!
Being a SAHM is the hardest and most challenging thing I have ever been called to (I do see it as a calling), but I have never felt more blessed …
OMG!!! I love YOU!!!!! Thank you for empathy and shedding light on us SAHM’S. XOXO
Wow! I do everything you mentioned above but I’m not a SAHM, I am a working mom. I may not spend
12 hours a day with my child, except holidays, weekends and sick days because all other times I am at my job. Which is stressful, busy and demanding. Then I go home and play all those other roles. Exhausted. At least when I am playing SAHM (weekends, holidays) I can sneak in a load of laundry, a trip to the grocery or even a nap when my child is napping. As a working mom, I’m denied those benefits. And when your kids are at school all day, you can tend to your chores, errands and hobbies, something us working moms will never be able to do. We will be at work. Sorry, no sympathy.
racheldeer – thank you for your comment. As others have noted, this post was not written to compare the responsibilities of a stay-at-home mom and a mom who works outside of the home. Rather, I wrote it as a tribute to all the work that my wife–a SAHM–does day in and day out. I’m sorry that you did not recognize the article for what it was, and instead chose to take offense and thus offer “no sympathy” to a fellow mom. As a side note, I will simply point out that while there are certain challenges faced by mothers who work outside the home (as you noted), there are also challenges that are unique to SAHMs (no or limited adult interaction during the day, the inability to have a quiet moment to yourself, etc). There also seem to be many commenters who would disagree with your characterization of naptime as free time.
Regardless, and as I have stated before, it would be wonderful if we could use this article as a reminder to observe and appreciate the contributions of our spouse.
I definitely commend you for recognizing the hard work and sacrifices that your wife has made to raise your children. She is one lucky lady to have a husband that appreciates her as much as you clearly do.
Rachel
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Thanks Rachel – much appreciated.
Couldn’t have said it better!! Thanks for all your kindess and recognition James 🙂 There are so many different types of Mom’s out there today: stay at home moms, part time working moms, full time working moms or someone like my best friend who is a single, full time working mom (her 5 year old son’s father passed away when he was 4). Being a mom is a difficult job regardless of your situation and none of us are by any means looking for “sympathy” we’re just simply hoping for a little appreciation for all that we do for our children/family. For whatever reason Mom’s seem to be the hardest on eachother, negative, judgmental, constantly comparing their children/lives to others, but it’s not a competition we all are just trying to do the best we can for our kids and that’s all anyone can do. It would be a whole lot easier if instead of criticizing other mom’s and their choices we could instead support and encourage eachother, even if we don’t always agree. The simple fact is that while advice is welcomed when prompted, inevitably only Mom’s know what’s best for their child, not for yours. There’s an old saying I love that goes something like this:
“Parenting is the easiest thing to have an opinion about,… but the hardest thing to do.” 😉
Thanks again James!!! 🙂
Ditto to Racheldeer’s comments, and thanks for your response, James. If my husband showed me, a working mother, half of the appreciation you show your wife, I’m sure we would both be much happier! Your wife is a very lucky woman!
Exactly. This is the biggest load of BS I have ever read. Staying home with the kids is cake. I wish I could continue to do so but some of us have to work and guess what? All the things that need to be done around the house still need to be done even after I have spent the day providing for my family.
its not BS, it might be a little exaggerated but especially if you have more than 1 child like I do, it takes alot. and we are not bashing moms that work outside the home, I KNOW its even harder for you, because you do have to come home and still DO everything. When my oldest 2 were toddlers I started sitting for working moms in my home, that way they didnt have a mess to clean up when they got home, the mess their children made was at my house. and YES, I got paid for watching their kids, a 40 hr week with 2 kids got me $50. WOW! I have a total of 7 of my own kids plus extras, always extras. I worked outside the home for a very short time, decided it was not worth the little money I brought home and decided it was best for MY family to stay at home. Now that my youngest are 13 & 15, I STILL stay at home, and they really enjoy having someone to come home to after school. Most of their friends moms work and they come home to an empty house and they dont like it. But really, it is to each her own, and neither side should bash the other.
I respect working moms as well as SAHM’s. Its a choice.
I’ve always been sympathetic to both working moms and SAHMs but understand that they face different challenges. Keep in mind that kids don’t go to school when they are babies and toddlers so a SAHM with children below the age of 5 is home with them ALL day. If you have three children who are spaced out 2.5 years between each child, that’s about 10 YEARS of watching them at home, 12 hours a day (and another 12 with “help”), 7 days a week. Its was precisely that 12 hours every day when I watched two babies and a toddler that was the most challenging part of being at SAHM. When you are at work all day someone else is watching your children, whey you are a SAHM you are doing it all, all day. Its hard work and you don’t get a break. Ever. I’m working part time now and its hard to come home after working 10 hours straight and then be Mommy but at least I get to sit in a quiet, clean, and orderly office all day, I get recognition, praise and compensation for what I do, and when I come home I’ve missed my kids and I’m excited to see them. As a SAHM, after 12 hours of watching babies, toddlers and preschoolers you want to lock yourself in the bathroom with a bag of cookies and a good book. We’re not asking for sympathy but you have to stop comparing us to working moms because your comparison, that makes us unworthy of sympathy, is just plain wrong.
Reblogged this on Mommy Don't Play.
There is nothing cake about it if your doing it right . It’s rewarding to watch your children grow but it is very trying to spend every waking moment with your children even though you love them more than life itself. It can get very lonely at times and no matter how great a mom you are you constantly feel like you are failing on some level. When I worked I would get praise for handling a situation with grace or doing my job well as a mom not so much. Not to mention how everyone thinks you have so much time and just add extras for you to do like organize a school event.
This was a beautiful post!!! Your wife is very lucky you appreciate her so.
Being a sahm is very challenging and a huge transition if you put your career on hold to do so. Loneliness was very hard for me personally. My boys are so close in age that they actually are the same age for 2 months. It is like having twins. It is too much trouble to leave to go anywhere with them alone and is saved for medical or emergency purposes mostly. Lunches with friends? Forget about it. Who wants two rambunctious toddlers sitting with them at a table when you are trying to engage in an adult conversation? Not any of my friends that’s for sure. Naps? Right. On the off chance that my boys actually took a nap at the same time this mythical “free time” is spent taking care of tedious tasks that require undivided attention. Think paying bills or starting dinner. Most of my day is spent just trying to maintain some semblance of order. Which is essentially like bailing water out of a sinking boat with a dixie cup. There is no such thing as getting ahead when you have two little people undoing everything you are struggling to keep done. What about sick time? Non existent. Unless you are dying you are still responsible for the care and safety of those babies. I have actually had other mothers tell me “I would love to stay home because I would shop and go work out and do my hair every day.” I would really like to know how they intend on doing said luxuries without the help of a nanny.
I actually had two working mothers I know ask me if I would like to keep their kids over the summer since I already stay at home. My answer? No I would not like to watch your child all day every day for free when I already do that with my own two that I want a break from sometimes and just because you work outside of the home does not mean that your time is any more valuable than mine. What people also forget is that yes what we do is basically an uncompensated job but we are also foregoing retirement, pension, personal savings, ssri, all while being wholly dependant on our spouses for everything. This in and of itself can shatter a womans self esteem and self sufficiency. Would I change what I do? Not for all the money in the world because regardless of how mundane my job may seem to some it is the most fulfilling rewarding job that I feel I have ever done. It has required more sacrifice and more dedication and more heart than anything I have ever done. I won’t compare my job to an outside the home working mother because that would not be fair to her or me, I can only speak of how I feel about the path I chose. A path I choose to think is the right path for me and my family right now.
Literally EVERYTHING you just said is EXACTLY how I feel. The “mythical free time” lol, the sinking boat comparison, complete spousal dependency, lonliness, loss of friends, “sick days,” never getting ahead, no compensation…. and especially, most fullfilling and rewarding job EVER!! I wholeheartedly agree! It’s an absolute blessing!!! Well said Leah!!! 🙂
Thank you, Leah. Everything you’ve said here, ditto, word for word.
James thanks for writing this. I agree with you, people seem to think we sahm’s do nothing. Yeah right. I occasionally take a nap. If I do, that means my cleaning or working out time is gone out the window. It feels like never ending mess in my home. I only have a toddler but its alot of work. I wouldn’t change it for nothing in the world. A note to other sahm’s try not to care what the world thinks. No one knows what you go through day in and day out…only you.
I am a SAHM and have been since we adopted the first of 5 children from foster care. I had a career and loved it, but I love being at home with my kids. I am lucky to have a husband that appreciates me for what I do and pitches in to help when he is home. I have good days and bad days, but my greatest reward is to look at their precious faces when they are asleep and know that they feel loved and cared for (and for my older ones safe like they didn’t know before they came).
Well said! It’s 2014 though, this should be SAHP (stay at home parent) so it includes SAHD (dads)!
I am a SAHM of 7 biological and 3 adopted and when my oldest 2 were preschoolers I started watching kids for friends & neighbors that worked outside the home and did that for many years. My oldest is now 34, my youngest 13, I am still a SAHM. I get questions all the time as to when will I return to work. Sorry but my work is not done yet. My girls, 13 & 15 need their mom home when they get home from school.
I loved this article. I am a stay at home mom and I have 2 1/2 year old twin boys. (Not an easy job) The mess, destruction and demand never ends. At the end of the day when their little hand grabs mine and they look at me and say “love you mommy.” I know I’m doing something right.
I needed this more than words can express. My friends have been on the attack lately and can’t seem to understand why I miss girls night. Because I’m effing tired. They ask why I can’t attend a pedicure party. Because diapers come first with finances. They ask why I can’t finish my sewing project “because it’s not like I work”. I work. I do circles around them. I just want to scream and remind them that when they are drinking on a Saturday night, I’m washing dishes, folding laundry, soothing a teething baby, and mentally preparing for the next morning which will feel like groundhogs day. Don’t get me wrong, I love staying home but just because I’m home doesn’t mean I can do whatever the hell I want all day. I still blog, tutor a child with Austism, have a small business and of course they are sorely mistaken about what it takes to be a mom; stay at home or working outside of the home is no easier than the other. It’s just ignorance and maybe they will understand someday. But for now it hurts.
This is a beautiful tribute to your wife, and one of the most spot-on descriptions I’ve read of the many hats that SAHM’s and SAHD’s wear, including the very real feelings of loneliness and undervaluation. Thank you! As for any full-time or part-time working parents out there, (and I’ve done all three “jobs” myself at one time or another) please don’t feel that this minimizes your role in any way. Each “job” contains its own unique challenges and benefits. This man is giving credit where credit is due to one over-worked and under-valued population, and its so nice to hear. Right now I am a PTWM, I work 15 hours a week, working nights as a waitress, foregoing my writing and teaching career to be with the kids more. I love the wee bit of just-adult social interaction I get at work, but there comes a price!!! When I come home after just one night at work, the entire house is a disaster with a capital D. My dear husband, who works all day as a carpenter, does a great job taking care of the kids, but the house–alas, he cares not. Over the years, I’ve learned to appreciate the good, although I have blown my top on more than one occasion, begging the family with futility, “Can you just clean up ANYTHING without me???” If he’s fed them their vegetables and put them to bed before 9 pm, I am overjoyed, and its easier to just let the rest go. I worked the past two nights and am looking at a house that resembles a toddleresque frat party. So, my “days off” while the kids are at school, when I am supposed to be attempting to get back into writing, are usually spent on party-cleanup, along with whatever other chores and super-Mom duties I have, (today–making cake pops for my daughter’s birthday party this weekend) plus, I give myself a few minutes of procrastination time online. Thank you for that today! Now, if only I had Mary Poppin’s magical cleaning powers!
Hi James, you know after reading this, I told my wife “hey b, lets switch sides, you work and I’ll be a s.a.h.d. She said to me, “b harshna (our daughter) will start losing weight and I can’t imagine the rest”
Basically what she said is true.
First of all, I don’t have patience. If I were to be a s.a.h.d, I’d end up giving in to all my daughters tantrum. My daughter is a poor eater, and it doesn’t make it easier for my wife. She has to come up with so many ideas just to entertain her, especially when you have a child who gets bored easily. I would probably take the easy way out, wait. There’s no such thing as easy way out!
No sir, I can’t imagine being in her shoes. And talk about multi-tasking, I salute all those s.a.h.m. Having a baby and doing all those chores, from cleaning, preparing food for the little one, laundry, attending to nature’s call! And the list goes on…it’s simply amazing how stay at home mothers multitask!
I don’t say thank you to my wife, but I show my appreciation in different forms, like a simple hug, or cooking a nice chicken curry (which would benefit the both of us 🙂
Ok I got to go now, going to watch a movie on TV with my wife. One of the simple things in life we enjoy on a Friday night after putting harshna to bed. So James yes, I totally agree with you, that my wife’s job is harder than mine! And I can’t imagine doing all that routine task/multitask on a daily basis!
Reblogged this on WishfulBabybump and commented:
Best ever
I admire how you blog about your wife. Bravo!
Incredible job! ‘Supply Chain Manager” – hope you don’t mind if I add that to my resume. By far, my job was easier when I worked outside the home. I will be “re-blogging” this via my refrigerator for benefit of our children. I am blessed that my hubby (as you) appreciates what I do, but the kids believe I only leave the house when needed as a chauffeur and secretly employ a maid. Thank You !
Love this post!! I am a work at home mom. Although I barely do anything other than care for my son until his dad gets home and then I might get some “work” done. Which tends to annoy dad that after work he has to watch the kid so I can work. Oh well. I think that all parents have overlooked roles. 🙂
One reason why SAHMs are undervalued is that the reality is that our jobs are not as intellectually demanding as some other jobs. I know that is a hard pill to swallow, and I am not saying that there are no intellectual demands involved in being a SAHM. But I live in an area full of scientists, doctors, etc- as complex as it might be to figure out how to run my home efficiently, that does not compare with the complexity of my neighbors job of running an entire health care system efficiently. And in our society, unfortunately there is a lot of value place on intellect. Any ideas how to respond to people who don’t understand the value of staying at home even if it is not quite an intellectually demanding as other jobs? (A whole other topic is responding to people who think that there are no intellectual demands on us, but I have a list of things I can trot out when they start on that!)
LOVED this post. I too am “just” a SAHM. It’s a great job, but the misperception of what we do and why we do it drives me crazy. Thanks for your thoughtful and insightful post. Made my day!
Reblogged this on marriedarmywife's Blog and commented:
This is a great post! I hope my husband realizes all of this when I become a SAHM!
When asked what I do this is my common reply:
I am the CEO of a small consulting firm that advises new organizations in the areas of individual development, education, finance and the setting of the organizational goals. This is done through the establishment and implementation of personal goals for the individuals within the organization. An emphasis on the spiritual, mental and physical health of the organization’s members is maintained with daily support consultations available upon request……
It is amazing how respectful people are when you describe your position in such terms. If you say “I’m a grandma” you are dismissed as inconsequential. It was this way when I was a SAHM too. In those days I was just the President of a small firm… as grandma I graduated to CEO of a consulting firm lol.
I was blessed to be a SAHM for many years. I did all the typical mom stuff and took on the education of my children at home. Now they are all grown, college educated and married and have their own children. Being a SAHM was wonderful but being a stay-at-home-grandma is even better!